Mrs Jones

Look i know that i’ve changed from who you want me to be,
and i’m sorry that you don’t like the new me
But its the only thing i am keeping strong while i can,
holding back the tears being a real man,
while on the inside my scared and screaming out,
and i really want to punch things, cry and shout,
but that wont do me any good so i keep the emotions locked away,
keep them till i’m better for that new sunny day
so if you don’t like this person i am being then i’m sorry but you see,
i cant get better if i keep being me,
I need to sort out my head because its making me sick,
Its making me think this is really going to be it,
and im scared and i worry what if i don’t get help soon enough,
then i guess its the end, deal with it, tough,
I want to be here so i can wait for you,
wait to see if you will realize you want me to,
Even if that doesn’t happen i promised id never stop,
Never going to stop until i’m standing at the top,
Looking down, on the earth, clouds all around me,
Looking down and you waiting but you cant see,
that i’m happy in the clouds but i’m always there,
and that i love you and that i will always care,
Every time i close my eyes all i see its cloud,
and every noise that i hear is just fucking loud,
Put music on to keep it out my head,
but it creeps in the gaps and shouts at me instead,
says that she doesn’t love me, that i’m ugly and they hate me to,
and that the world would be better if it doesn’t have you,
they tell me they will hurt you if i don’t do what they say,
say after this date i cant live another day,
or they will make you take my place and then take me too,
and i don’t know what the world would do if it was to loose you,
you see your always in my head and they are too,
so they see how much i care and think about you,
so they take everything that i love and tell me they will make it go,
but they will let you stay if well that you know,
sometimes they just whisper your name real low,
almost like they are calling you so you can follow them and go,
taunting me, telling me, they can take you, you see,
that i’m not the only one they can do it to, its not only me,
then when there nice they tell me of a place far, far away,
a new world where i can live, grow and play,
its exactly the same just no hate and you are there,
all i have to say is ill meet you there,
and i wake up in my bed and everything’s okay,
i recognize myself in the mirror and the pain goes away,
you see when i look in the mirror its a person but not me,
and i’ve learnt to adapt so that there is something i see,
they told me its not me and i don’t look that way,
that i have blond hair and i’m prettier and a bigger smile everyday,
so i don’t know what to do because there always in my head,
always whispering to me after this day you will be dead.